thoughts tumbling through the trails taken

i just got home from camp. it's 1:35 and waaaay past my bedtime. in fact, i was exhausted at 9:30 and almost left then. but, i was working on writing a letter and wanted to spend more time bonding with the staff (we're finishing up our first of two weeks of staff training) and so i hung around.

we discussed our plans for a movie night at my place tomorrow and told different stories. we laughed and we bonded. we threw flirtatious glances at the cute boy across the table and we hugged our girlfriends. we helped pull pranks on others.

then, when it was just down to two of us, a girl came and got us. another one of our fellow staff was hurting. hurting badly. and needed to talk. so, we listened. we listened while she told of her past and of the realizations that are coming to her. we listened while she cried and listened while she thought about the future.

and we were useless. how do you take 19 years of pain and hurt and agony and fix it in an hour? its impossible. we do not have the wisdom, the knowledge, the power to take that information and turn it to good. so, instead, we just sat there, in the dark, listening.

my thoughts were prayers. prayers for the words. prayers for the answer. prayers for the healing. for her. for me. for him. for all of us.

and? and i felt nothing. nothing. i had nothing. this was nothing i could fix. i was the "voice of reason" as the oldest there and i had no reason to give. the most i could do was pray over her and send her to bed. make her go to bed.

but it isn't me. there is absolutely no way i could ever fix anything through me. nor could the others there. that is up to God. and so, thats where we started. we started the process through the power of prayer. because there is nothing stronger.

but what comes next? what happens with her? or with the girl sitting next to her? and the other hurting people that God has brought to our ministry? what happens when it doesn't end neatly and tie up into a nice bow? what happens when its messy and we can't just check it off the list?

what now?