Tuesday, May 19, 2009

my weekend ...




Sometimes, I love having mutiple personalities.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Do I?

I am standing on a precipice. Toes on the edge, arms stretched out for balance.

Right behind me is the comfortable meadow where I have spent my days. Sure, there are some cacti and there are some scrub brush. But the sun is shining down and there are flowers that smell divine. The grass is green and lush.

However, in the distance storm clouds are gathering. They are increasing in strength and intimidation. I can stay in my meadow and all will be the same for awhile. But what will happen once the storm hits?

Below me is a gaping ravine. What is down there I have no idea. It could be a flowing river or raging rapids. It could be all rock or a soft landing. All I know is that I have a parachute and I can jump if I want.

Do I? Do I want to jump?

Friday, May 1, 2009


This morning when I woke up the sun was shining. What a hallelujah moment that was!

As those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile know, I do not do well without sun. I am solar powered. So, that makes living here in the frozeness a bit difficult. The winter does not shed a lot of light upon the situation. However, I have come to expect that and know that spring is comin.

Then, we got to spring. And spring? Well, spring has been about what winter was. Except, to me, it has been worse. After all, I got through winter. I went through December 21- March 21, knowing that spring was coming and the sun was coming back. Then, spring decided to play an extended April Fool's joke on me and not come. However, today it came.

So, I did my little exercises and went on my merry way to work. Except work? Well, work wasn't merry. Work was a lot of things, but not merry. Luckily I was only there for an hour before I went to Bible study and spent a couple of hours talking about faith.

Faith. Ahhh. Now there's a merry sunshiney topic! Sometimes. When I'm not letting my emotions rule my faith. When I'm not letting my humaness get in the way of my belief. When I'm not getting my butt kicked by Satan's lies.

So, after this morning I came home for lunch. I was thinking about work and I was thinking about Bible study and I decided to make this a non-entertainment lunch. So, I drew up the blinds in my bedroom (I dislike blinds. I dislike curtains. I dislike things that close me in. I never put my blind back up in my living room after taking them down to clean. I have blinds in my bedroom and my bathroom for modesty sake and that is it.), and was enjoying the sunshine pouring in throughout my house.

Then, I went and looked in the mirror. Do you know what I saw? I saw all the imperfections that unnatural light hide. The sunshine, the wonderful glorious beautiful sunshine, brought forth everything that I like to pretend isn't there.

It showed my zits and my worry lines and my uneven skin tones. It showed my unbelief, my hardness of heart, my emotional vacancy, my pettiness, my jealousy, my uncontentedness, my shallowness.

That's a tough thing to see when you're just trying to enjoy the sunshine. Here I was, just soaking in the wonderfulness of God and He chose to highlight those things that aren't my best feature.

Why didn't I see my laugh lines or my caring expression? Why didn't I see love or joy or peace or patience or kindness or goodness or faith or gentleness or self-control?

Perhaps it is because I lost it in the gloom of the clouds. Perhaps it is because I let down my shield of faith and let the arrows of Satan pierce me. Perhaps it is because, just for a little bit, I was choosing to live in a dungeon, not on a moutaintop.

So, tomorrow? Tomorrow, when the sun is shining, what will I see? I don't know. But I do know that the Lord's mercies are new every day. I do know that He brings the sunshine and He brings the rain. I do know that He brings the joy and He brings the sorrow. And I do know that He brings the conviction and He brings the restoration.