Life :: An Update

Well, it has happened. The end has come. No more halycon summer days. Winter has reared her head, beautiful though it may be, and eaten away the last of the warmth.

Oh well.

I guess the snow is pretty.

(ahem. obviously we have hit the time of year that I do no particularly claim as my favorite)

Anyways.

So, here I sit with my second cup of coffee (why is it so much harder to get the ratio of coffee to cream right with the second cup?), listening to Rat Pack radio on Pandora. Grateful for today, as it is much better than yesterday, when I was taken down with an awful stomach bug (and no, that is not a coy way of mentioning morning sickness. it was definitely a bug!).

Anyways, I thought I should commemorate this first snow of the season with a brief update on what is happening in this happy* little household in the middle of the South Dakota prairie.

*happy = giggly, whiny, temper-tantrumy, snuggly, etc etc etc

Drew:

-He is 3 and an ultimate threenager. Sassy, saucy, and mouthy. But sweet, funny, and smart!
-Started Head Start this fall, which means we have an awesome teacher come to our house once a week to teach him one on one (which, really is two on one, because of course Will wants to learn too!), and then he gets to go play with the other kiddos twice a month. He LOVES it all.
-Also started Sunday School, which is the highlight of his week next to preschool.
-Has quite an imagination. He has started setting up all these different scenarios, and he converses with all sorts of people that only he can see. Sometimes it comes across a bit Gollum-ish as he takes different sides to the same debate, but it's cute!
-Is very helpful, often running to get stuff for sister for me.
-Loves all things farming, including moving bales with the tractor (in real life and in pretend play) and cows (milking them with daddy and grandpa, etc), and talking about Grandma B's horses and donkeys. Also, watching movies.
-Is still small, but has managed to stay on the charts for the past year or so, so we are down to just every 6 month check-ups. Still super picky, and mostly lives on chocolate milk and peanut butter and meat.
-Is mostly potty trained!
-Has entered the questioning/'why' stage of life, much to the chagrin of his parents. One of his favorite questions to ask lately is 'are you SURE you want to keep that baby?' in reference to his baby sister (the answer is yes, yes I am sure buddy).

Will:

-He is 2 and showing it in every way! Independence-seeking, vocab increasing, wanting his own way getting.
-Slightly quirky, and I love it! Often is found with socks on his hands, or boots over his footie pajamas, or wearing a helmet in the car.
-Gets his way a bit too often with a flash of his big blue eyes and his heart-melting smile.
-Loves loves loves tractors, cows, Curious George, daddy, and grandpa.
-Mostly easy-going and will often go along with what Drew tells him to do. But has plenty of stubbornness and will dig in his heels when he wants to.
-Lives in his own little world of being a tractor, often picking up 'bales' (wooden blocks) and moving them around the house using his hands as the gear shift and the bucket.
-Has such a fun way of speaking ('tupper time!' for supper time, 'by turn' for my turn, 'bove you' for love you, 'haymers' for Sammers, our cat)

Lucy:

-She is 6 months old, no matter how much we try to deny it.
-Is ready to start eating real food, if the way she watches us like a hawk while we eat is any indication.
-Rolls all over the living room, playing with whatever toy meets her fancy.
-Is still a bit shaky on the whole sitting thing, but she's getting it!
-Is a pretty chill baby, unless she's tired. But she will just play and play and watch her brothers for hours. It's lovely.
-Loves her brothers and find them endlessly amusing, especially when they are throwing fits because then they're dynamic.
-Is our most talky baby, often cooing and growling. Will definitely put her brothers in their place if they need it!
-Still a mama's girl, but she loves her daddy and lights up when he comes in the room.
-Won't take a bottle, so she gets to spend most of her time with mommy.

-Luke is busy busy busy with his full time job, raising pheasants for a local preserve, and working for a neighbor.
-I am busy with managing my childrens' schedules. I also am a member of the Policy Council for Head Start, which involves several meetings a month.
-We also are blessed with family, friends and a community that gets us out and about on a regular basis. We are not ones to thrive on busyness, but it seems to find us anyways.
-We have also become those people that marvel at how fast time is passing, and how fast our children are growing.

Well, that is us in a nutshell. Still here, still thriving.

on this Friday::

I am ...

believing random pictures of my kiddos are an integral part of this random blog post

believing in extra snuggles, extra kisses, extra apologies.

believing in this life we have built together, the two of us side by side, BFFEAE, no matter what.

believing that my children are the most beautiful, smartest, sweetest, rascal-ist children in the whole wide world (but I am more than a little biased, so take that with a grain of salt).

believing that I can push myself forward, even if day by day it doesn't feel like it.

believing that movie nights are not complete without popcorn and hot tamales.

believing that sunshine cures many ills. as does sleep. and food. because there is nothing worse than being hangry!

Currently:

administering kisses to a little boy's head who is sitting on my lap while I type this (to which he says 'thank you but your face is yucky')

elbow-deep cleaning up this house of ours so we can start this weekend on a happy note

speed-reading this book so I can finish the trilogy without having to renew my library books AGAIN

vacillating about whether or not to buy new clothes for family pictures

borrowing this book from my mom

missing spending fall in MN

craving pop. always pop.

eating whatever is the easiest and quickest thing to grab, even if that happens to be a fun-size Twix bar.

thinking about what craft projects I want to put time and effort into

loving that my husband is the perfect husband for me

praying for eyes to see the gifts He has given me

gearing up for starting a new season of life that is going to involve going to board meetings and using my adult brain

wishing for contentment that settles into my bones

inspiration for this blog post from Kathleen and Nora

becoming 30

Some of you looong time readers (as in you've stuck around through my ignoring this place over the past year) might remember some posts I wrote about my birthday.

Well, this year I turned 30. And a girl has to celebrate! So, many months ago, while I was hugely pregnant with our latest progeny, I proclaimed to Luke that for my birthday I wanted to climb a mountain. To be specific, a 14er in CO. Partly because I liked the sound of it, and partly because my brother lives in Denver and has been to known to climb a mountain or two (two to be exact. this was his third).

So, after having a baby, and spending the summer not getting in shape, and arranging childcare, and time-off, and coordinating schedules, Luke, Lucy and I took off late one Wednesday and drove into the setting sun.

Literally, as we were headed west.

We drove until late late that night and arrived in Silverthorne, CO at about 3:00 in the AM. After spending the next day resting and adjusting to the altitude, we were (mostly) ready.

The next morning the alarms started going off at 5:00 and we stumbled out of bed, quietly getting dressed. We ate a hearty pre-climbing breakfast at that bastion of healthy food and golden arches, and drove to the mountains.

We left the parking lot around 6:30 or so, after making sure we were bringing the right gear and last-minute bathroom breaks.

It was 4 miles up, and the first 2 1/2 - 3 aren't too bad. A little incline here and there, but also some straight stretches. Lucy was a trooper, just hanging out in the Ergo, nursing every once in awhile and napping the rest of the time.

(yes, those are socks on her hands. this mama forgot to pack her mittens! whoops)

Of course, in order to really climb a mountain, you have to climb. At a high altitude (it's not called a 14er for nothing!). Let's just say we slowed our momentum down after awhile. And there might have been lots of rest breaks.

But, we kept going!

Luke had to take Lucy from me about 2/3 the way up because I was getting dizzy from the high altitude and didn't want to fall and hurt her. I took the backpack from him, but soon enough he took it back from me because it was making me take even more breaks. Basically, he was a rockstar. 

It was not very pleasant on top of the mountain due to cold and wind, so we did not linger long. Lucy especially was not a fan.

A nice lady from Seattle and I took turns holding a coat shield for one another so we could *ahem* tend to business, then we set off down the mountain.

While going down has its challenges (feels like you are going to fall straight down), it was much nicer than going up as you are getting more and more oxygen!

The hardest mental challenge for me was the last 2 miles, because you just wanted to be done!! But we trucked on because I did not want to become a mountain dweller.

We collapsed back in the van at around 2:00 and celebrated that we had done it! 

After a little rest, we headed down the mountain and went to my brother's house in Parker, where we spent the next couple of days doing fun things due to the fact that it was my birthday weekend.

We also got to watch my nephew's first football game of the season:

Let's compare to the last football game of his we got to watch shall we?

What a difference 5 years make no?

(exactly 5 years, as we had gone to Denver to celebrate my 25th birthday soon after we started dating)

We hung out with my lovely family until Sunday, when we packed up and headed back to our other kiddos. It was a long trip back as we took some wrong turns and Lucy was extremely over the whole concept of a roadtrip, but we made it. And we ended the night with all of us snuggled up in our beds where we belonged.

Lucy Jo :: What's In A Name

With our boys, we really struggled to name them. Especially with Drew. We dragged that process out as long as we possibly could!

But, obviously, we prevailed and named our children. And we remain happy with what we named them.

Drew Solon, meaning bold and courageous wise one.

Will Bennett, meaning blessed strong protector.

Not only do their names have great meaning, but they are also named after great men, our dads. Luke's dad's middle name is Andrew and my dad's name is Willard.

While I didn't set out on this naming journey with the idea that I would name my children after our families, I love that we ended up doing that. Since both grandpas were covered, that just left the grandmas. And so we played around with their names, and quickly came up with a combination of their middle names that we loved: Lucy Jo.

(Luke's mom's middle name is Lucille and my mom's middle name is Jo)

So, we knew even before we were pregnant that we would most likely name our first little girl Lucy Jo. Then, at our 20 week ultrasound when we found out that it was indeed a girl, that just solidified our choice. However, as a commitment-phobe, I did not fully fully commit to naming her that until she was born. But, when she came out and they asked if we had a name, it felt right. And the longer she is part of our family, the more Lucy she becomes.

Lucy Jo, meaning beloved light.

(and in a weird coincidence, I love that all 3 kids have names that are 4 letters and short for another name. and that the last letter of drew is the beginning of will and the last letter of will is the beginning of lucy. having a harder time coming up with a name that starts with y, so we might have to break that cycle, but still fun in my nerdy brain!)

Lucy Jo :: A Birth Story

Well, well, now that the shock of the news of another adorable Vander Ley inhabiting the world is over, come read all about how she came to be! It's another good one!

Wonderings at her existence started in my thoughts last August. I was experiencing some heightened emotions and general unwell feelings, and thought that perhaps God said that it was time for another one. I started taking pregnancy tests like crazy, but they all came up negative.

Finally, after a whirlwind weekend of family and the baptism of our two boys, I took one more test on a Monday morning in September. And there it was, clear as could be:

Luke and I shared a quick 'awe/ahhh!' before he went off to work and I went back to sleep.

(what? it was way early in the morning and I was knocked up - I needed all the sleep I could get!)

The pregnancy took off in the normal way and I soon began puking and laying around all day due to nausea. It was a fun little treat that instead of my typical 12 weeks of sickness, I got a full 16 weeks of puking glory. 

Of course I still had 2 little munchkins running/crawling around, so it wasn't like I was on my bum 24/7. More like 22/7. 

We told our families much earlier with this one, because, let's face it, there is only so much hiding of the puking I could do. They were all lovely and very excited. 

Soon enough, Christmas rolled around, as did my 20 week point. 

We were heading to MN for the last weekend in December, so we nabbed an ultrasound appt that Friday. After all the measuring, she asked if we wanted to know. 

Of course!

And, there it was, a girl. So exciting! Especially since we actually had a name picked out, which if you've been following any of our birth stories, you know is SO rare. 

It was a fun thing to share with our families and friends for the holidays. 

Time went on, and I got bigger and bigger. I had a questionable glucose test, and I was gaining weight rather rapidly. And the day I took the test, I had a suuuper high blood pressure, which was no bueno because the reason Drew came when he did was because pre-eclampsia. So, that won me some closer monitoring. 

And then week 32 came. And the contractions started. And they were every 10-15 minutes. And they weren't going away. And they didn't go away for the rest of the pregnancy. 

I was put on some medicine to help the contractions go away, which helped for a couple of weeks. And then it didn't help anymore. I was spending more and more time on basically non-dr ordered bedrest, just to calm my body down. We REALLY didn't want to end up in Sioux Falls with a preemie, so Luke started picking up a lot of slack and I spent a lot of time on the couch.

And then one day I went to see the doctor, and after talking to me about a lot of different symptoms and checking me, he casually threw in at the end of the appointment that from then on I was on total bed rest. I could only get up to pee. 

Ok then.

Not sure if you know this, but complete and total bed rest with 2 little kids at home? Not easy. We are super lucky in Luke's work schedule that he works 6-2, and we are late night people, so our kids sleep late in the morning, so I was really only on my own for a couple of hours, but its impossible to be fully down with a 2 year old and a 1 year old. 

After a couple weeks of that, and lots more doctors appointments, he reiterated how important it was that I stay down, so my MIL and SIL started taking turns coming to help me out in the morning. Family is such a wonderful thing!

It seemed that every time I went to the doctor, he would give me a plausible day we would do the c-section. So, I would plan on that. But, then things would interfere. For example, one time we were there talking about doing the c-section that weekend (which worked perfectly in our schedule because of family things), but then he talked to perinatologist, and he said don't do it. So, we waited, and waited, and planned mentally for one day, and then another. 

Finally, we went in on a Monday morning. Luke had stayed home from work so he could go with, on the off chance that we were going to do it that day. And the doctor did one last check of my cervix, one last symptom check-off, and told me to be in the hospital at 5:30 the next morning because this was it. 

So, we went home, did the last of the packing, sent the kiddos to his parents' for the night, and got ready to add another to our brood. Of course that night had to the night that our landlord broke a water line, and we were without water. It came back on briefly, but when I got up in the morning hoping for a shower, I was out of luck. Luckily we have the BEST hospital ever, so when we got there they let me hop in the shower before prepping me. 

Getting prepped was AWFUL. I got poked and prodded and a catheter placed. I was literally arching off the bed in pain. It made me feel all shaky and terrible before the surgery even started. But, they finally got me ready and I thought the worst was over.

Ha. Ha ha, and triple ha.

The worst was yet to come.

Because you see, part of having a c-section is having a spinal block. Not the most fun part, but doable right? Yeah, 45 (that's FORTY-FIVE!!) minutes later, the 3rd (THIRD!!) doctor to try finally got my block placed. The nurse that was holding me had to switch out with someone else because it got too hard to hold me up. My other nurse kept going out to update Luke on what was going on and to compose herself, because it was so awful to watch. I was one more try away from having to go completely under for the surgery, which would have been a huge bummer!

Afterwards my back was full of poke holes from failed tries and I spent the first two days sitting on ice packs. But, no harm,  no foul, and my back is totally fine now. 

Our nurse took our camera and took pictures of the process so we could see what happens on the other side of the curtain. I was so excited!

The little miss had a lot to say from the get-go as she started squawking before they even got her fully out of my tummy. Grandma B insists that what she said was she wanted a pony, which I am sure is exactly what every newborn is thinking about!

She came out a little low on her sugars, so the doctor wanted her to have some sugar water. I was still really shaky, because I had spent most of the surgery throwing up, so daddy got to give her the bottle.

After a couple of hours of recovery, she got to meet a bunch of her new family including her brothers, grandparents, two aunts and a cousin. It was a busy day for the little miss!

Drew being thrilled

Auntie Amber

Will showing supreme enthusiasm

Telling Auntie Jourdan all about it!

family of 5!

snuggle time with daddy, which is just the best!

showing off her little peepers

mommy and Lucy selfies

ready to go home!

(I am still mildly obsessed with her coming home outfit)

ready to head home as a family of 5!!!

tap tap :: is this thing still on??

hello all and sundry.

yes, yes, contrary to popular belief, I am still around. just ... not here.

you see, soon after my last post (ummm, a little under a year ago), I took on a momentous task, a task that consumed all of my fall, winter and spring.

would you like to see the result?

Miss Lucy Jo Vander Ley 

May 6, 2014  7:36 AM

7lbs 15 oz  19 1/2 in

that's right. we're THOSE people. the ones who decide the 3 kids in under 3 years is a wise idea. 

fun? a little crazy-making? full of diapers, cuddles, sneezes and tantrums? rewarding, frustrating, wonderful?

yes, yes, all of those things. 

wise? well, we'll see.

our little girl is now almost 3 months old, full of smiles and giggles, especially for her daddy. Will is 1 1/2, walking, talking, leaving a trail of destruction behind him wherever he goes. Drew is 3, an older brother extraordinaire, who takes the concept of being 3 very seriously. 

Luke and I are still here, perhaps a little more tired, but a lot more blessed. 

I will be back soon with a birth story, and pictures of the boys, and just general updates. 

Epiphany

So, after my last post, I did some thinking. And celebrated my birthday.

And, an epiphany has come to me.

I was putting so much pressure on this single day to be AH-MAZING, when in reality, there was no way I could make everything happen that I want to happen. It put so much pressure on me, so much pressure on Luke and those around me, and it left me in a puddle of tears at the end of the day from broken expectations (sometimes figuratively, but sometimes literally. poor poor Luke).

So, anyways, the epiphany. I was thinking about this last night on our way home from a very fun dinner with my in-laws. My birthday just happens to fall on the same day as my father-in-law's, so we celebrated together at Ruby Tuesdays, which was special and fun. But, it wasn't a huge gesture, and there were no fireworks. And I had spent the day wrangling 2 very precious, but very rambunctious boys (let's talk about the biting and toy throwing another day mmmkay?), so it really had been just another day.

But, what if I stopped putting my focus on just that one day? What if instead I made a list for the coming year, and simply saw that day as a beginning, a fun opening sentence on what is sure to be a great story? Instead of having all sorts of expectations for one day, I put together a list of expectations for that year. And, then, here's the kicker, I make them happen.

A dinner party outside with friends? Well, let's get on that. Buy some twinkle lights, make Luke build me a table, and blam. Go forward with that.

Get a tattoo? Well, I need to finalize a design and find a tattoo artist and make an appointment. And screw up my courage, but you know.

Volunteer somewhere. Learn some more about web design. Etc, etc, etc.

Instead of having a golden birthday, I have decided to have a golden year.

And really, I think that just sounds much more fun.

(oh, and for the record, Luke did come through. he always comes through. he got me some fun presents, let me order the steak I wanted at supper, and he picked me the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers and wild grasses. what more does a girl need?)

expectations and the wreck they havoc

It's my birthday this week.

Not just my birthday, but my GOLDEN BIRTHDAY.

Yup, that's right. I turn 29 on the 29th.

I remember being a little girl, and hearing about golden birthdays for the first time. My brain really likes doubles like that, numerically speaking, so it became a big thing to me. Buuuuuut it was FOREVER away. Like years and years away.

And now it's not. It's only days away. And so I want it to be a big deal. I want it to be a big thing. It's a once in a lifetime thing. I'll have big decade birthdays, well, once a decade. But a golden birthday? I only get one shot.

It should be a day speckled with light, and love, and laughter, and that should Instagram perfectly (if I had Instagram), and I should be wearing an outfit that makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, and everything should fall into place, and it should be suffused with this wonderful glowy light so it looks just like all those pictures you see on Pinterest of perfect days and perfect moments.

Sigh.

Poor, poor Luke.

But that's not real life is it? My birthday is during the week, so my husband will have to go to work, meaning I'll be home with the kids. I'll still have to feed them, and me. I will have to wash the dishes, do the laundry, change diapers, and keep children alive, for pete's sake! (well, not really for Pete. but, since he is my brother, I'm sure he would like his nephews to keep on keeping on).

We don't have anything in our life that looks like the pictures. No table sitting under the trees lit with Christmas lights, and canning jar lanterns, surrounded by beautifully and perfectly done decorations. A meal that just happens to take place during that perfectly glowy part of the evening when everything is soft and magnificent.

We don't live anywhere close to a city that has the 'it' place to be for dinner, where we can get dressed up in our finest pearls and suits, and head out for a night of drinks and dinner. Then someone can take a picture of me laughing, slightly blurry because I am moving with joy over the fact that someone set a plate of food down in front of me (that's why they're always so joyous in those pictures isn't it?).

It's not winter so I can't be bombing down a mountain wearing the perfect combination of warm clothes that are cutely adorable while my cheeks glow and my hair magically becomes long, flowing, and curly.

My life isn't a photo op. And it's a hard thing to reconcile.

Expectations really aren't your friend are they?

a random Wednesday in August

we have been taken down by the plague. it has been two weeks of coughs, cries, fevers, and runny noses. I succumbed a week ago, and it has been rough. last night I spent most of the night coughing, which means I don't sleep well, and neither does Luke.

it's not a great way to end a summer.

and as a result, I feel behind on everything. my house suffers, my eating habits suffer, working out is a joke, the bookwork I do for my brother is not done promptly or extremely thoroughly, and it's all I can to keep the boys alive, let alone keep them on a prompt schedule and diet.

and the worst thing? I don't get to interact with many people. my in-laws are stuck with us, so they get to share in our germs. but, I was raised that if you're contagious, you don't go anywhere unless you have to. not to church, not to hang out with people, etc. I had to cancel a playdate I had really been looking forward to two weeks ago, and I haven't been able to reschedule because she has a wee one I don't want exposed to this. and our good friends just had a brand new baby girl I can't wait to get my baby-craving mitts on, but I had to stay a good 5 feet away when we went to see her. I want to be able to bring them meals and help out, but I can't. and there's another little baby I need to get myself up to MN to see pronto, but can't, because, once again, plague.

ugh.

so, we have been spending lots of time watching Gilmore Girls and Curious George (watch da monkey! is a common refrain heard from my 2 year old), drinking hot Chai, and just feeling cruddy.

I'm over it. time to get well, time to finally enjoy the last vestiges of this summer, weird weather and all.

speaking of weird weather, my toddler is all confused as to proper weather attire. last week it was quite chilly, which maaaaaybe explains his choice of wearing two winter hats on a 90 degree day?

the boots are an all weather accessory however. he can put them on himself, and mommy is all over that!

Facebook No More

About a month ago I made a decision I never thought I would make: I deactivated my Facebook.

Those of you who know me, know this is a very big deal. I signed up for Facebook eons and eons ago, pretty much as soon as it became a 'thing'. In fact, I had to pretend I went to the college I went to my freshman year, because the community college I was at for my sophomore year didn't count, and back then it was only for college students.

I have hours upon hours trolling the site. In fact, I shudder to think how many days, weeks, and potentially months of my life I have spent looking at pictures, reading status updates and finding people I used to know.

But, when I moved away from all family and friends to live in small town Montana, hours from the nearest Walmart or fast food, it was a blessing. I was able to share pictures of my life, and my friends were able to share pictures of theirs. As I developed friendships with camp staff that came and went every summer, we were able to keep in touch.

Then my new husband and I left Montana and went to Alaska. Then we left Alaska and went to South Dakota. Then we left South Dakota and went to North Dakota. Then we left North Dakota and went back to South Dakota.

And everywhere we moved, Facebook came with. Grandparents could see their adorable grandchildren we produced, and I could see all the adorable children of my nearest and dearest. It made me feel like a part of their family, even though I didn't get to see them enough, and they don't know their Tante Rachie on sight.

Wow, I'm quickly typing myself back into reactivating my account!

But, it might be awhile yet. While I am sad that I am missing out on the news of babies, engagements, or just their average Tuesday night, I am amazed at how much more boring the Internet has become. I still have my blogs that I read, and those are wonderful, but there aren't as many links to click, or picture albums to browse, and that means I get to walk away that much sooner from my computer. Perhaps not as soon as my children would like, but I can tell a difference.

 

Pictures that have nothing to do with the subject matter, but what is a post without pictures? Especially now that I don't have a Facebook account to share them on!

What I Want To Remember

 All those cliches are cliches for a reason right?

Time is fleeting. They grow up so fast. The days are long but the years are short. 

Yada yada yada.

So, these are the things I want to remember about my kiddos right now.

Drew (2 yrs and 2 months):

Daddy teaching him to ride his 'micycle'

 -the way he says 'fuve you' when we tell him we love him
-the cuddles he needs with mommy in the morning when he's trying to wake up
-how much he loves his lovey, who he calls 'fuvey'
-how much he loves his 'papa' 'mas' and 'dranma' 'dranpa' (Luke's parents and my parents respectively)
-how he will happily watch 'horsies' for hours, which is what he calls my mom's eventing DVDs. 1998 Rolex is his current favorite.
-his '1,2, 3 GO' before he takes off running or jumping
-the way he runs with his shoulders all scrunched up, pumping his arms and swinging his little bum from side to side

                                          

-listening to him learn new words everyday, and start to use them in his sentences. we currently hear about how he 'throbs up' (throws up) several times a day (he really doesn't do that much anymore. but enough that he knows what its called).

-his extreme love for 'movies'. he loves Baby Einstein Baby MacDonald and World Animals and Curious George.

-his little peanut size. he is still about 6 months behind, so he's the size of an 18 month old.

-his love for all things farm, and watching him 'feed my cows hay with tractor and wagon' multiple times a day or listening to him ask to 'milk tows' with 'papa and daddee'

-how he is super outgoing/talkative at home, but stares down strangers with a death glare

-listening to him greet daddy when he comes home 'hi daddee!'

-how much he LOVES being outside, and will happily bomb around for hours at a time

-his excitement about life

Will (9 1/2 months):

     

-his big blue eyes that capture everyone he meets
-his big smile and contagious giggles
-the way he sucks in air over and over again very loudly when he gets really happy
-the way he books it crawling to get to whoever he is excited to see, who is mostly daddy right now
-his sweet cuddles
-the way he eats and eats and eats
-his easy going personality, unless Drew takes his toy
-listening to his motor run
-the way he burrows into his lovey or our shoulder and then comes out with a big ole' shy grin
-how much he loves hanging out outside, eating dirt, rocks and grass  
-the way he has conversations with you - he'll say a syllable (ta or ba), you repeat it to him, and he'll repeat it back to you. again and again and again.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

I really am the luckiest. These two little boys are my constant companions, the ache in my heart, the joy and laughter in my day, the frustration and exhaustion behind the bags under my eyes. 

I know everyone thinks this about their kids, but the world really is better by having these 2 little munchkins running around.

a classic 'in front of the peonies' shot taken in the backyard of the house where my grandparents lived, where my dad grew up and where I spent much of my childhood. my grandma Myrtle always posed us in front of this exact bush.
 just carrying on tradition! the house is about to leave the family, so I insisted we take pictures before we didn't have a chance anymore.

snack time

last week, I decided that I NEEDED a snack. the combination of nursing, working out, and being me was too much and I was starving.

I started in the fridge, worked my way to the cupboard, up to the freezer and back to the fridge. nothing looked good, nothing sounded good.

until, I saw the pickles. and then I knew I was set.

so I grabbed the pickles, some cheese and a Sierra Mist.

(no, I'm not pregnant. a girl can like pickles anytime. I have since I was a wee little girl and would put down a whole jar while watching some cartoon on my grandma's TV)

I went to open the pickle jar and due to some combination of my gracefulness and gravity, I ended up spilling pickle juice all over the counter, floor and my legs.

it might be a true indication of my graceful state that when I let out a yelp of surprise, my husband did not come running to my aid or ask what happened. he knew I was fine, and he knew I was being me.

anyways, if you think that this let me deter me from having my pickles, you would be sadly mistaken. I threw a towel down, grabbed a bowl of pickles and went on my merry way. pickle legs and all. Luke sure is a lucky guy!

Claiming My Blog

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Since Google is breaking my heart by taking away my beloved Reader (seriously? I use Chrome as my browser, and my Google Reader Next button is my number 1 window. that's above FACEBOOK. I'm looking at you Zimbelman. Couldn't you have done something???), I am doing what all the cool-cats are doing and checking out the different options. So far Bloglovin is kinda sorta getting my vote, but it's dueling it out with Feedly. But I'm still gonna claim my blog, because it's mine! And I wants it. Even if I neglect it terribly, those are still my dust bunnies!

That is all.

There will be a real update coming soon(ish). Promise!

Book Review :: Dirty God

In Dirty God: Jesus in the Trenches, Johnnie Moore draws on both Scripture and his extensive experience with other cultures and religions to show how the God of the Bible is unique in his willingness to be near us in all of our messiness. Moore outlines the central importance of the doctrine of grace while introducing readers to a humble and human Jesus who reaches out to us at our worst and pulls us up to our best.

Grace, Moore argues, is something that is both gotten and given, and the two-part structure of the book allows readers to explore both of these dynamics. By offering hope rather than condemnation and showing the practical applications of grace in today’s world, Dirty God will appeal to both the committed Christian and the spiritual seeker looking for a more authentic faith. Challenging and engaging, Dirty God is sure to establish Johnnie Moore as an emerging voice for Millennial and Gen-X evangelicals for years to come.

While I will be honest and say that I often gravitate toward fiction (sometimes the less thinking the better ya know?), I was struck by the picture and thought behind this book when I saw it as a review option on Booksneeze. I was ready for something that made me think and this book did not disappoint.

In this call to action, Moore focuses on the idea of Grace. Grace that is overwhelming, grace that goes above and beyond our humanness, grace that is modeled on the grace that Christ showed to us. 

There is so much hurt in this world. So much disease. So much injustice. Are we adding to it or helping to take it away?

I think that Moore has some really timely reminders about what our lives as Christians are supposed to look like. While it is easy to look at someone's life and pick apart what they are doing wrong, there is something about a log and a speck that comes to mind. Is our job to be God's rule enforcers, or is our job to be God's hands and feet to bring His love to our broken world?

While that's a hard idea for my little rule-loving soul to take in fully, I want to err on the side of love. To the least of these is what we do to Christ. Since I myself am a least, I will try to be love incarnate to those I encounter. 

Moore has some pet projects that he mentions in the book, and that is great. Instead of just giving a vague prescriptive, he gets down and dirty and tells us 'look, this is something you can actually DO'. Maybe those things aren't your thing. Cool. Go do that thing that is your thing. Just go. Do. Be His Hands and Feet, because that is ultimately what He wants from us. 

Grace. Mercy. Love. Mighty mighty love. And grace in the dirty parts of life. 

*this book was provided for me to review by Booksneeze. the opinions are all my own*

Will Bennett: What's In A Name

When it came time to name our baby, we took our sweet time. Apparently naming our children is not our strong suit, as we ran into the same situation with Drew.

As soon as we found out it was a boy at our 20 week ultrasound, we got serious about picking a name. However, we could not come to consensus. 

So, when a friend offered help on FB for naming kiddos, I jumped at the chance:

(sorry about my inelegant name covering up, but oh well. privacy for the win!)

She brought up a name choice that we hadn't thought about before. William has never been a favorite of mine, but I really liked the nickname possibilities, especially Liam. I also really liked the idea of tying it into my family, because Drew ties into Luke's side.

(for those of you who might have problems following the thread, my dad's name is Willard and my grandpa's name was Willie)

So, I kept bringing up Liam as a possiblity, but Luke was never sold on it. And I was never totally sold on Will. So, we kept throwing names out there and shooting them down. And on. And on. Ad nauseum.

And then, we had the baby. And after a couple of days, people typically like you to name your child. So, we got down to work and talked and talked and talked some more.

I had come across Bennett on one of my searches and it grew on me.I also liked that it meant 'blessed'. But, I didn't really want it to be shortened to Ben. 

So, we came back to Will. And I once again really liked how it tied into my family. And that it meant 'strong protector'. And to be honest, I liked how it was like Drew - short for a longer name and only 1 syllable.

Obviously, in the end, Will Bennett was the winner. Our blessed strong protector. 

But, man, naming children is hard work!!

Failure To Thrive :: An Update

The last update I posted about Drew's struggle to gain weight mentioned that we were going to take him to one last specialist, the pediatric endocrinologist.

Well, we took him. And, like we expected, we did not really learn much. In fact, the doctor did not run any tests. From his viewpoint, all the pertinent tests had been run, and any that he could add to the mix would be more hassle than they were worth because of how intense they were. 

Basically, all he could tell us was that he did not feel Drew's problem was a result of an endocrinological problem. He did not have any of the typical signs of a kiddo who was lacking in Human Growth Hormone, and his thyroid was normal on all of his blood tests. He did throw out the possibility that his structural growth (bones and teeth) were simply 6 months behind where they should be. After Drew turns 2, we can have an x-ray done of his hand and that could tell us more definitively if that is the issue or not.

So, we took him home and decided to be all done with specialists. They weren't telling us anything our family doctor wasn't telling us, and it wasn't worth driving all the way to the city for a 15 minute appointment where we were told to keep on doing what we were doing and to come back in 2 months for the same advice.

Then, Drew got sick. And was sick for basically most of December. He cycled through a cold, the stomach flu, roseola and an ear infection.

Not only that, but he was throwing up. Majorly throwing up. I tracked it for a couple of weeks, and it was intense. I could barely keep up with his laundry. One of his sheets was almost always in the wash, along with a lovey (getting 2 loveys was one of the best decisions we have ever made!!). 

It felt like we were at the doctor's constantly. Between the throwing up and his other sickness, he started to lose weight. And that was slightly concerning. There was talk of sending us to Omaha to the Children's Hospital because of his condition.

It was a really stressful couple of weeks. We had a newborn, I was still recovering from a c-section, and our poor little kiddo was so sick. At one point, he ran such a high fever and felt so junky that he spent a couple of days basically just sleeping. He would get up from his nap and come out to the living room to fall asleep on my lap on the couch. Very unlike him!

However, we were finally able to get him on antibiotics, and we took him off of dairy to give his system a chance to reset. For a month he drank soy and almond milk, and went light on other dairy offerings. And it worked. He quit throwing up, he started to gain weight (we finally broke the 20 lb mark!!), and got his energy back. We slowly reintroduced dairy into his diet, and it's been going really well. He had one instance of throwing up last weekend, but besides that, he hasn't thrown up since before Christmas. 

His turn around was so great that our doctor went from talking about Omaha Children's to telling us that we didn't need to come back to see him for 2 months. So lovely.

So, things have settled down. Drew is eating a lot better than he ever has, he still has a ton of energy, and he is astounding us every day with his developing mind. Our doctor is going to keep a slightly closer eye on him than some of his other patients, but we're praying that we're over the hump. He might just follow his own growth curve instead of the growth curve 'they' say he should. As long as he's growing, we'll be happy!

Book Review :: Song of the Brokenhearted

Ava has a loving family, a beautiful house, and a solid faith.

Suddenly, her ideal life will be completely broken . . . in the best of ways.

Ava’s life is full of great things. Her daughter is getting married to just the right guy, her husband’s company has kept them financially thriving for years, her son is a freshman in high school, playing football and doing well, and the ministry she started is keeping her busy as she reaches out to those with “broken hearts.”

Then it all falls apart. Ava’s safe world becomes unanchored, and she is forced to face the childhood she’s run away from her entire life. Just as she’s trying to sift through the pieces, the doorbell rings and Ava is confronted with the surprise of her life.

Ava must set out on a journey that takes her back home—something Ava hasn’t done in twenty years. As she travels across the state of Texas, strangers offer her kindness and remind her of the meaning of hope and forgiveness.

It is in this journey back that Ava discovers God in a new way. She sees she's been hiding her brokenness behind good deeds and a safe life. Learning what it means to lose it all is just the start of Ava’s journey – as is the new song God is writing on her heart.

When I was scrolling through Booksneeze looking for a new book to review, this one jumped out at me. First of all, because of the beautiful artwork (what? of COURSE I judge a book by it's cover.). But, after hearing Sheila Walsh speak at Women of Faith last year, I was also really excited to read something she had written, because that woman is a storyteller.

The book did not disappoint. I like how Ava's family was human. It wasn't just people around her that were struggling, but she was struggling. She couldn't juggle it all, she let things slip through her fingers, and she was real. The authors also weren't afraid to show her failings and weaknesses. I saw myself so much in her, longing for a comfortable life, not wanting my life to make waves. If everything would fall into place, then life would be good right?

Of course, life does not work that way, and it really is for the best. No matter how hard that lesson is.

The characters that Walsh and Coloma created to bounce off of Ava were all so interesting. They were able to make them real, and a lot of them popped right off the page and into my living room. There are a lot of hurting people in this world, and these characters told just a couple of those stories. The one that I felt the most for, and who pushed against me the most, was the typical church lady who was always in the background of Ava's life, 'praying' for her, and taking upon herself the job of the Holy Spirit. It is easy to fall into that role, and it was a good reminder for me to put down my judging pen and pick up my grace-filled pen.

There was some weakness in how neatly the end of the story pulls together, but overall I found this book to be a really enjoyable read. Redemption is always a beautiful theme.

I would give it 3 1/2 stars.

*this book was provided for me to review by Booksneeze. the opinions are all my own*