a day in the life of a secretary ...

I start my day off by working hard:

very hard.

After awhile, I take a break and enjoy hanging out with other staff members.
We throw dance parties.
Except not really.
Because there is no dancing at TER.
It's simply not done.
But there is plenty of jumping!!

Then I use my chance to sell important products to my captive audience.
The campers are a great resource of money.
Except not really.
Cause they're little and the point is to not exploit them.
But we still try to sell them some Satan-B-Gone.
Because you never know when you're going to be in need of it!
Cause he's sneaky!

It's a tough life being a camp secretary, but I assure you, someone has to do it!

my choice

today, i made a choice. i made a choice to be cranky, crabby and just generally snarky.

you know its bad when a generally good-natured, roll with whatever you say kinda friend says "wow, you're just so sarcastic!" and that was before i made the choice to be ms cranky-pants!

i don't know if it was the storm that came in? or the fact that i was tired? or perhaps *ahem* pmsy? too much sugar? overthinking some things?

well, whatever it was, i didn't like who i was part of the day.

i listened to the words coming out of my mouth and heard the tone i was using and winced. but, i didn't stop. i didn't do a turn about face and use kind words with a cheerful tone.

i indulged in my selfishness. i let things get to me. i ate too much sugar. i let jealousy come over me. i let stupid things get to me. i let my pride get in the way of my ministry.

and so, now i sit at home, thinking back over today and not liking what happened.

good thing we serve a God whose mercies are new every morning eh?

thoughts tumbling through the trails taken

i just got home from camp. it's 1:35 and waaaay past my bedtime. in fact, i was exhausted at 9:30 and almost left then. but, i was working on writing a letter and wanted to spend more time bonding with the staff (we're finishing up our first of two weeks of staff training) and so i hung around.

we discussed our plans for a movie night at my place tomorrow and told different stories. we laughed and we bonded. we threw flirtatious glances at the cute boy across the table and we hugged our girlfriends. we helped pull pranks on others.

then, when it was just down to two of us, a girl came and got us. another one of our fellow staff was hurting. hurting badly. and needed to talk. so, we listened. we listened while she told of her past and of the realizations that are coming to her. we listened while she cried and listened while she thought about the future.

and we were useless. how do you take 19 years of pain and hurt and agony and fix it in an hour? its impossible. we do not have the wisdom, the knowledge, the power to take that information and turn it to good. so, instead, we just sat there, in the dark, listening.

my thoughts were prayers. prayers for the words. prayers for the answer. prayers for the healing. for her. for me. for him. for all of us.

and? and i felt nothing. nothing. i had nothing. this was nothing i could fix. i was the "voice of reason" as the oldest there and i had no reason to give. the most i could do was pray over her and send her to bed. make her go to bed.

but it isn't me. there is absolutely no way i could ever fix anything through me. nor could the others there. that is up to God. and so, thats where we started. we started the process through the power of prayer. because there is nothing stronger.

but what comes next? what happens with her? or with the girl sitting next to her? and the other hurting people that God has brought to our ministry? what happens when it doesn't end neatly and tie up into a nice bow? what happens when its messy and we can't just check it off the list?

what now?

this is what life in montana looks like

beautiful cowgirls

cowboys on bucking horses

tools of the trade

calves meeting their destiny

working as a team

putting our brand out there for all the world to see

soaking it all in, enjoying it to the fullest!

my weekend ...

Friday





















Saturday


















Sunday

Sometimes, I love having mutiple personalities.

Do I?

I am standing on a precipice. Toes on the edge, arms stretched out for balance.

Right behind me is the comfortable meadow where I have spent my days. Sure, there are some cacti and there are some scrub brush. But the sun is shining down and there are flowers that smell divine. The grass is green and lush.

However, in the distance storm clouds are gathering. They are increasing in strength and intimidation. I can stay in my meadow and all will be the same for awhile. But what will happen once the storm hits?

Below me is a gaping ravine. What is down there I have no idea. It could be a flowing river or raging rapids. It could be all rock or a soft landing. All I know is that I have a parachute and I can jump if I want.

Do I? Do I want to jump?

sunshine

This morning when I woke up the sun was shining. What a hallelujah moment that was!

As those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile know, I do not do well without sun. I am solar powered. So, that makes living here in the frozeness a bit difficult. The winter does not shed a lot of light upon the situation. However, I have come to expect that and know that spring is comin.

Then, we got to spring. And spring? Well, spring has been about what winter was. Except, to me, it has been worse. After all, I got through winter. I went through December 21- March 21, knowing that spring was coming and the sun was coming back. Then, spring decided to play an extended April Fool's joke on me and not come. However, today it came.

So, I did my little exercises and went on my merry way to work. Except work? Well, work wasn't merry. Work was a lot of things, but not merry. Luckily I was only there for an hour before I went to Bible study and spent a couple of hours talking about faith.

Faith. Ahhh. Now there's a merry sunshiney topic! Sometimes. When I'm not letting my emotions rule my faith. When I'm not letting my humaness get in the way of my belief. When I'm not getting my butt kicked by Satan's lies.

So, after this morning I came home for lunch. I was thinking about work and I was thinking about Bible study and I decided to make this a non-entertainment lunch. So, I drew up the blinds in my bedroom (I dislike blinds. I dislike curtains. I dislike things that close me in. I never put my blind back up in my living room after taking them down to clean. I have blinds in my bedroom and my bathroom for modesty sake and that is it.), and was enjoying the sunshine pouring in throughout my house.

Then, I went and looked in the mirror. Do you know what I saw? I saw all the imperfections that unnatural light hide. The sunshine, the wonderful glorious beautiful sunshine, brought forth everything that I like to pretend isn't there.

It showed my zits and my worry lines and my uneven skin tones. It showed my unbelief, my hardness of heart, my emotional vacancy, my pettiness, my jealousy, my uncontentedness, my shallowness.

That's a tough thing to see when you're just trying to enjoy the sunshine. Here I was, just soaking in the wonderfulness of God and He chose to highlight those things that aren't my best feature.

Why didn't I see my laugh lines or my caring expression? Why didn't I see love or joy or peace or patience or kindness or goodness or faith or gentleness or self-control?

Perhaps it is because I lost it in the gloom of the clouds. Perhaps it is because I let down my shield of faith and let the arrows of Satan pierce me. Perhaps it is because, just for a little bit, I was choosing to live in a dungeon, not on a moutaintop.

So, tomorrow? Tomorrow, when the sun is shining, what will I see? I don't know. But I do know that the Lord's mercies are new every day. I do know that He brings the sunshine and He brings the rain. I do know that He brings the joy and He brings the sorrow. And I do know that He brings the conviction and He brings the restoration.