Will Bennett:: A Birth Story

For those of you who only know me through my blog, have I got a surprise for you! You see, 3 months ago, we went ahead and had ourselves another baby.

Meet Will Bennett:

(taken when he was 1 day old)

To go all the way back to his beginning, we must step back in time to last January. 

I had decided to lose my baby weight, once and for all, so I started to work out. About 3 weeks into the process, I became EXHAUSTED.

I was so tired, that it was about all I could to drag myself out to the couch in the morning so D could play with toys. I spent much of my time laying around, getting up only when necessary to change D's diaper or feed him. I couldn't understand what was going on, but figured it was just a combination of having a baby who woke up all  night long and my winter blues.

Finally, on Valentine's Day, when I couldn't summon up the energy to go on a date with my husband like we'd planned, Luke made me take a pregnancy test. I grumbled the whole time, because OF COURSE I wasn't pregnant.

Well, joke was on me, because, well, as you can see, there was indeed a baby in there!

My pregnancy was like Drew's in that I was very sick the first trimester (but this time I had a doctor, so I was able to get on medicine. it didn't make the nauseousness go away, but I was able to at least take care of D), very tired the whole time and didn't really care to be touched much. I was still nursing D when I got pregnant, and it was incredibly painful, even before I knew I was preggo. As time went on, my supply continued to drop and drop, until I finally weaned him at 13 months and my body didn't need to really adjust at all. 

However, over all I handled this pregnancy better. I was calmer, and did not have as many anxiety attacks. I knew what I was going through was worth it, which helped so much! I also didn't gain quite as much weight and my blood pressure stayed where it was supposed to, so no pre-eclampsia.

When the time came for our 20 week ultrasound, we were pretty sure it was a girl. We had even picked out a name and called the baby by that name for about a week beforehand. Well ... as you can tell, we were slightly off! However, it did not bother us at all that we were having another boy. We were so excited that Drew was getting a little brother so close in age.

So, I made it through the looooooooooooooooooooong hot summer (not always gracefully or graciously, but we all survived), and it was getting closer to our due date. Except, also like Drew, we had a bunch of due dates. LMP told us Oct 7, first ultrasound said Oct 25, and second ultrasound said Oct 19. So, basically we knew he was coming sometime in October, and we also knew that it would be bad if I went into active labor since it was too close to my c-section with D. The other kicker was that my doctor was going to a week long conference the week right before my due date (we have very bad timing with our kiddos and our doctor's travel plans. he had to put off his vacation by a day when Drew was born. we've agreed to plan a little better next time ;-)).

On Wednesday, October 10, we had supper at our friends' house, and while I was sitting at the table my stomach got really tight. It didn't really hurt per say, but I could definitely feel it. I didn't have anything like that with D, so it was a bit of a surprise. We went on with our night, and nothing like that happened again.

Then, the next morning I was talking on the phone to my friend Karla, and it happened again. We talked about whether or not it was contractions or Braxten Hicks, and she thought probably Braxten Hicks. After I got done talking to her, I texted Bethany and asked her if she had had BH with her kiddo. She said if I put my feet up and drank lots of water, they would most likely go away. So, that's what I did. Except, they didn't go away. They were never painful, but they were strong enough and often enough that I was definitely taking note.

Luke got home at 3:00, and we talked about what was happening. We agreed they were often enough and close enough together that we should at least call in. Our doctor told us to come in for a non-stress test, so we dropped D off with Grandpa (forgetting to give him diapers, a sippy cup or anything else he might need ... whoops!), and headed to town. I got hooked up, and while we saw some spikes for awhile, they mostly went away. However, our doctor is pretty cautious, so I ended up with an overnight stay to be monitored and hydrated in hopes it would cause the contractions to stop.

In the morning, another mama to be came in who was actually in labor. So, I got kicked out of our one labor room and sent to the (really nice) hospital room they save for new parents, so that I would have a claim on it if we did go in for a c-section (I LOVE LOVE LOVE the nurses at our clinic/hospital - they take such good care of us and think of things like that!). Eventually, my mother-in-law and Drew came to pick me, since the doctor wanted me to go home and see if bedrest would stop things.

Since I have some of the most wonderful in-laws a person could ask for, my MIL came home with me to take care of Drew. It was a little weird to just sit on the couch when I felt fine (I was on pretty strict limits - I could only get up to go to the bathroom and wasn't really allowed to eat much), but it gave me time to think about the contractions. And they didn't go away. I was texting with Luke on his lunch break, and we decided to pray that if it was time, God would make it really clear. I got one of my strongest contractions right then, so we took it as a sign to prepare for baby!

I called back in at 3:00, and our doctor agreed that we should just go ahead and have our c-section that night (it was Friday October 12 at this point). Since I figured it would be ok if I got up now that we knew we were having a baby, I showered and packed my bag (I had used my time on the couch to put together a list, which helped a lot!). I also packed up some clothes and whatnot for D to take to my in-laws, where he would be camping out while we were in the hospital.

Luke raced home from work, we took a couple of pictures for the last time as a family of 3, and headed to the hospital.

Well, it turns out that the mama who came in that morning was still working on having her babe, and since our doctor was also her doctor, we had to wait around a bit. But, it was finally time, and I was taken to the OR. And, at 7:37 this little cutie was born:

He was 8lbs 8oz and 20 inches long, scored perfectly on his Apgars and had no problems. We had gone into it thinking he might be a little early and with the knowledge that we might have to deal with a NICU situation, but obviously that wasn't anything we had to worry about! 

After I was stapled back together, they took me back to the recovery room, which is where we were when we started to text and call people to let them know baby had come (only our immediate families knew something was going on - so even my friends who I had talked to about Braxten Hicks were surprised!). It was also there that we found out that the hospital was on lockdown. Apparently, one of the patients was dealing with an unwanted guest. As a result, the hospital was on lockdown at night the whole weekend (when Drew was born, we had to go sit in a hallway with all the other  patients because of a tornado warning ... so apparently our presence is a sign of exciting times at the hospital!).

The rest of our time in the hospital was pretty normal: staring at our baby, telling people, trying to figure out a name, dealing with my pain, nursing, etc, etc, etc). My in-laws brought Drew to meet his brother on Saturday night. He was mostly interested in exploring, but didn't seem to mind the baby that got in his way of sitting by me!

After we got home, we were blessed to have tons of help. Since I had had a c-section, I wasn't able to lift Drew for 6 weeks (that's a loooong time!). Luke's mom came over to help the first morning, and then my mom came for the rest of the week. It was SO nice to have her here!

After my mom left, we had a weekend of Vander Ley family activity, and then my sister-in-law Julie came to help. She stayed for that next week, which was also AMAZING!

After all my family left, my MIL was so good to come over and help me as needed. It was rare to have a day where she didn't come over for at least a while. It was SO nice!! We are incredibly blessed by such loving family!

And, so here we are. 3 months later, one little boy more in our family, and as happy as can be!

Failure To Thrive:: Another Update

We are now over 5 months into our journey of having a child who was diagnosed as Failure To Thrive (for those of you who don't know, Failure to Thrive simply means that they are not thriving at the level that they should be, according to the averages, charts, etc.).

5 months of pushing Pediasure, trying our hardest to make him eat, going to doctors appointments, and spending time worrying.

So far, nothing has helped.

In July we took him to Sioux Falls to see a Pediatric Gastrointestinal doctor. While we were there, the doctor called in his colleague, who was a Pediatric Cardiologist to consult. Which meant that Drew was put through hours of tests. He had his blood drawn (during that procedure, both he and I were sobbing, and he got so mad that he blew out his vein, so they weren't able to get all the blood they needed. I refused to let them poke him again). He had an EKG and an echo-cardiogram (thank goodness for Baby Einstein Old McDonald, as he loved seeing the animals so he was distracted enough not to cry/move around/fight them during the whole procedure). He had an upper GI test (thank goodness for Grandmas as I wasn't allowed to be with him because it was an x-ray and I was pregnant. but, he still fought them, and it took at least 4 nurses to hold him down).

He was so mad, that he cried the whole way out of the clinic, and only calmed down once I stripped him and let him play in the water fountain:

At the end of the day, the only answer we got was that he had a mild case of acid reflux. Well then. That was a lot of drama for not a lot of news.

However, I will say that I was grateful that his heart tests all came back normal. In fact, the cardiologist told us he never wanted to see us again. Done and done.

The GI did choose to put him on a low dose of Prilosec to see if that helped (it hasn't). Besides that, they were pretty much flummoxed.

So, we go along with our life. Trying to get him to eat (he doesn't). Feeding him Pediasure. Enjoying him. 

Today we take him to see the Pediatric Endocrinologist. Maybe he will have the answer?

I'm not holding my breath.

Book Review:: The Baker's Wife

If what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, why is Audrey growing weaker by the day?

When her husband Geoff, a pastor, lost his job after a scandal rocked their congregation, Audrey's never lost faith.

They decide to resurrect a failing bakery as a way to heal family wounds and restore their place in the community.

Running late to the bakery one foggy morning, Audrey strikes a vehicle. Emerging from her car into the fog, she discovers she hit a motor scooter. But there’s no rider in sight. Just blood.

The absence of the driver is a mystery, especially to Sergeant Jack Mansfield, the detective and church member responsible for firing Geoff from his pulpit. The scooter belongs to Jack’s wife, Julie, a teacher at the local high school, who has vanished…like morning fog.

Though there is no evidence to support Jack’s growing suspicion that Audrey and Geoff were involved in Julie’s disappearance, the detective is convinced of their guilt. When he takes the tiny bakery and its patron’s hostage, Audrey must unravel the secret of Julie’s disappearance and her own mysterious suffering before Jack hits his breaking point.

This book is one of mystery, intrigue and catching your breath because you're not really sure what's going to happen next. It's watching layers of people all fold together, and getting mad at the bad guy, because he is being such a good bad guy!

This story kept my interest, and I enjoyed both times that I read it.

I also appreciated Healy delving into circumstances that might not always get attention in the mainstream church - namely, can God use physical manifestations of pain to help us reach out to people who are the ones experiencing the 'true' pain? It's an interesting concept, and a thought worth delving into.

It is my belief and experience that God can't be put in a box. I think he uses people, circumstances, dreams, and sometimes pain to bring truth into our lives. 

The experiences that Audrey go through is unique, and something I really appreciated about the book. I also appreciated the side story of Diane, and the mystery that shrouded her sad self. 

Also, Jack was a fascinating character. His conviction that his way was THE way was admirable, if completely off base. He did a lot of harm through his belief system, and it was hard to sympathize with him. But, when we step back and look at him, are we really so different? Don't we at times railroad over people in the name of our Truth? (don't get me wrong - I'm not saying there isn't Truth. I just think sometimes we major on the minors and minor on the majors. and sometimes there are casualties we leave behind). 

Overall, I would rate this book a 3.5. Definitely one I will read again, but not one that I love to pieces and will rave about forever. 

*Disclaimer: I received this book in exchange for my honest review from BookSneeze*

Book Review:: Break-Through:When To Give In, How To Push Back

Break-Through: When To Give In, How To Push Back. The Moment That Changes Everything 

by Dr. Tim Clinton and Pat Springle

"Well, I guess he does have a good side."... "You know, it's probably my own fault." ... "I need to cut him some slack, because he's had a rough life." It's easy to get stuck in painful, even destructive relationships - caving in to a spouse's addictions and consequent abuses, ignoring a live-at-home son's inconsiderate behavior, or putting up with a supervisor's manipulation or even harassment. We excuse them again and again, and then kick ourselves for not setting respectful boundaries. Break-Through has a self-test to help readers get back in control and is filled with useful tools to help them make big changes in their life. This important book will show readers when to give in, but also when to push back for a happier, more stable life.

I have to admit that over all I am a fiction/memoir girl. But, there are times that my psychology nerd side comes to the forefront, and I want to pick up something with a little meat to it.

Well, this book definitely had meat. So much meat in fact, that it took me several months to get through it. I simply couldn't sit down and finish it all at once. But, I think overall, that is a good thing. After all, it means that I had a lot to think about.

And having something to think about while reading a book? I would say that's a good sign.

Clinton and Springle do an excellent job of probing into different reasons people stay in difficult relationships. While the book's topic is more about co-dependency than I was expecting, there was some excellent advice for dealing with people types we all encounter, even if it isn't in an intimate relationship. We all know people who tend to be a little more enmeshed than is healthy, or who push themselves forward so that they are dominating the conversation/relationship/situation to cover up their insecurity. This book delves into the reasons behind their actions, and gives some practical tips for dealing with the frustrations.

Not only that, but every once in awhile the authors would pull out these zingers that made me break out the highlighter and turn down the page corner. That's a good sign friends!

For example:

"We wear very different clothes, drive cars, hold jobs, and have children of our own, but emotionally, we're like the scared kid in the hall who is unsure that anyone will be his friend" (pg 74). {that is truth!}

"God sets us free, but not adrift into confusion and isolation. He frees us from the prison of sin and shame so that we can genuinely know him, delight in him, and find more meaning than we ever imagined. When we begin to grasp this truth, it thrills our heart. This new affection begins to crowd out the fear and arrogance that has dominated us for so long" (pg 103)

Perhaps you, or someone you love, is dealing with a situation involving co-dependency. Perhaps you just would like more information about living in this world with difficult people. Or perhaps you're a bit of a psychology nerd like me (and my mom. apple doesn't fall far from the tree people!). If any of those are you, I would definitely recommend this book! It's not the end-all, be-all, but then again, what book is? It will give you stuff to think about, topics to delve into further, and really, what more can you ask of a book?

*Disclaimer: I received this book in exchange for my honest review from Handlebar Marketing. All opinions contained within are mine, and mine alone.*

Failure To Thrive :: An Update

(I wrote this back in July, but thought I'd still post it to give a complete overview of his story. Look for more updated information soon!)

Well, it has been over a month since we have gotten the 'official' diagnosis on the Drewster. He has been weighed twice, drank more than his weight in milk and Pediasure and is officially weaned.

And?

He has gained a full pound. Which is great!

However, he did all of his gaining in the first 18 days.

Our original appointment where we got the diagnosis was on the 31st of May. We then took him back to see the doctor on the 18th of June, where he went from 16 lbs 14 oz to 17 lbs 13 oz.

Cue ecstatic cheering.

He was drinking whole milk like a champ (especially since he gets to have chocolate milk, the lucky duck. hey, it's all about the calories right??), and downing Chocolate Shake Pediasure like it was going out of style (once again, it's all about the calories!).

The whole food thing wasn't really exciting him all that much, but he was eating a fair amount.

Then, he just kinda quit eating. When I say my kid doesn't eat a lot, I don't mean he eats a container of yogurt and then quits. I mean he eats 1 tsp of yogurt and then quits. I don't mean he eats a serving of spaghetti and then quits, I mean he eats about 2 TB worth and then quits (and spaghetti is one of his all-time favorites!).

Cue frustrated mommy sighs.

It's hard. When I took him in to get weighed on July 5, he was up an ounce. One measly ounce. This was on a different scale, so it's hard to say really how much he has taken in, but still. ONE OUNCE.

We give him food all day long. He gets more treats than I am comfortable with, simply because if we can get him to take anything in we consider it a win. There are time he doesn't eat a single thing except maybe 1 piece of shredded cheese. I would love to just feed him his favorites so he would eat, but I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THOSE ARE.

Except cheese. He loves cheese. So he gets it a lot. But you know what cheese does? Binds a person up, if you know what I mean. And since starting on this journey, our poor little one has gone through some serious bouts of constipation. As in screaming, writhing, sweating and crying his way through the process and then being completely wiped afterwards. It is pitiful.

Granted, he has also gone through 2 extended episodes of the opposite issue, but that I blame on teething.

Anyways, here we are. Still documenting his every ounce (when I can muster the strength. some days its just too much ya know? but I figure any days I do it is better than nothing. the doctors can be as upset as they want, but I think they'll get a pretty good idea from what I do write down). Still shoving whole milk and Pediasure down his throat (except the past couple of days because he had some projectile vomiting issues. in a camper that is covered solely in carpet and fabric. let's just say it's not ideal). Still trying to tempt him with the nummy, nummy food.

On the 25th we go to see a Pediatric Gastrointestinal doctor in Sioux Falls. He was originally meant to see a Pediatric Endocrinologist, but they passed us on to the GI. Hopefully we will get some answers. If not? Well, I guess we'll just do what we do and love on our little boy. Because he is very lovable!

The TinMan

Ya'll have seen The Wizard of Oz right?

(if you haven't, ummm, well, I'm going to say for the sake of living in America, you probably should, because hello, it's a classic. if you really don't want to watch the movie, then read the book! or the book series! both are fun)

I was talking with Luke today (and to be honest, crying a little, because, hello, hormonal woman!) and trying to explain to him how I felt about being in social interactions lately (spoiler alert: not very good). As I was talking about how I felt as if someone physically takes my mouth and keeps it shut, no matter how much I want it to open and words to come out, the idea of the TinMan came to me.

When Dorothy sets out on her adventure to the Emerald City, she encounters her 3 traveling companions along the way. First is the scarecrow, then is the TinMan. The TinMan has been stuck in the forest for years because he was out working when it started to rain and all of his joints rusted shut.

Including his mouth.

And that's where I come in.

I spend a lot of time alone. Mostly by choice, partly by circumstance. We have 2 homes, and have very sporadic schedules as to when we are going to be in each place, so it's hard to develop any kind of social schedule. Especially when you're an extreme introvert like me.

Plus, both places are new to me and so I am starting from scratch to develop relationships. And developing relationships takes time. And effort. And I have a baby who needs a somewhat consistent schedule and I am tired (cue: excuse symphony).

But as a result of all my aloneness (with the exception of the babe and husband of course), my words have dried up. According to a book called The Female Brain, women supposedly say 20,000 words a day (and men only 7000).

Ha. Ha, ha and ha!

20,000??? Sometimes I'm not even sure I say 1000.

Once again, mostly by choice. There are times where I construct flimsy excuses as to why I can't go to this or that or get together with this or that person. Or I just plain old chicken out of texting someone to go to the park, when I know that the worst they can do is say no.

And I am not a mother who spends a lot of time talking to Drew (don't get me wrong. I talk to my child. I just don't explain everything I am doing all day, every day, like some parenting sites tell you to do).

And with Luke's job, it's easier to talk to him via text rather than calling just because I never know if he is loading, unloading, or driving. We do try to talk at least once while he's on shift, but we mostly text.

Add in one short call to my mom on a typical day, and you get my lack of words.

And my rusted together mouth.

Because, as with all muscles, lack of use causes atrophy. And my mouth has atrophied. Not only is it physically tiring for me to talk a lot (seriously. sit me down with one of my besties, and I will talk. and walk away with a very, very tired and sore mouth/jaw), but it's emotionally exhausting to even think about talking. I see a nice looking mom at the park with a kid who's close to Drew's age and I do almost everything I can to avoid her. Oh, I try not to be a total snot. I do say hi, smile, etc, but I don't walk right up to her and strike up a conversation.

So the moral of the story?

I need to oil my mouth.

Except not literally. Because that's gross.

But in a figurative way.

I need to do something, because I am the dreaded 'l' word (lonely, for those of you wondering). But it's hard. And not as easy as just keeping my comfy pants on and staying home. But if I don't do it, who will?

Failure To Thrive

Drew has always been a wee little guy. When he was born he was a mere 6 lb 5 oz. Sure, that's not exactly the smallest baby that has been born, but considering I was over 9 lbs when I was born, I was a bit surprised. In fact, I had to go buy smaller sleepers for him because the ones I had were way too big. He sure was cute in his little preemie pajamas though!

(our little grumpus on his birth day. ooo so tiny!)

As he continued to grow he never shot up. He always hovered at the 25th or less percentile for height/weight (40th for head ... but what can I say? he's a smart kid!). And then his percentiles started to drop. He went from the 25th to the 10th. And then from the 10th he disappeared right off the charts. 

(still just a wee little thing. drowning in his 0-3 month shorts)

As any good doctor would, our doctor started to get nervous. After all, they have these Bell Curves for a reason. And when someone isn't on a Bell Curve, they don't really know how to react to that. So we started to look more into what was going on. 

He considered the possibility that perhaps Drew's heart murmur was connected. However, after monitoring it pretty closely for a month, it became clear that it was fading, and that possibility was taken off the table. 

We were stumped. But, we just kept soldiering on. After all, our baby was happy and healthy (with the exception of weight). He was meeting all his developmental milestones. His little legs were quite chunky and he still hasn't grown wrists. Plus, he constantly moves, so we kinda figured he was just burning it all off. So, we were okay with his size. After all, his daddy was never huge, nor were his aunt and uncles on that side.

But, our doctor continued to be worried. I had to call in or stop in every month to get him weighed. And that number wasn't going up. Maybe an ounce or two a month, but that was it. So, we were given an order for a blood panel. We didn't rush right out to do it, but we knew our doctor would insist at his 12 month check-up if we hadn't done it, so we went ahead and did it ahead of time so he would have the results.

And? Nothing. There might have been a number or two that was a little higher or lower than it should have been, but nothing unreasonable or even noteworthy. 

All this leads up to last week. Our wee little guy went from being a tiny little wee to a bit bigger of a wee. 

(celebrating being one with Minnesota family and friends!)

And it was time for his 12 month well child check. We trotted in to get his weight, and I was feeling good. He felt heavier, he really had taken off on the whole eating real food thing, and he was obviously doing ok. So I stripped him down and plunked him on the scale with a bit of mommy pride. After all, I had done it. I had kept my little boy on the right track. I was certain he was up at least a pound from the last time.

Sadly my optimism was a bit too optimistic. 

He wasn't up a pound. In fact, he was down from the last time he had been weighed. However, in all fairness that was on a different scale and involved him wearing a onesie and a diaper. But, after I told our nurse that, she had me put him in a onesie and a diaper just for comparison sake. He was still down. The only argument I had on my side was that he was on a different scale. And since I was quibbling over mere ounces, somehow I don't think I really had a leg to stand on.

So, here we are with a little guy who is quite insistent on staying little. Not only did he stop gaining weight, but he stopped growing length wise. He dropped from 10th percentile to 5th percentile in height. And he still isn't touching the chart with his weight. 

All of that leads to a diagnosis: failure to thrive.

Well, ouch. That just shot mommy right through the heart. After all, I am the one feeding him and caring for him. He gets a majority of his sustenance from my very own body. And I didn't get the job done. 

Our doctor is worried, but supportive. Right now we are tracking everything he eats, including breastmilk, which means we may be working our way to weaning since I have to pump and my supply is way down, which makes pumping hardly worth it.

Since he is now one, his food possibilities are practically endless. And we are taking advantage of that! So far he is a fan of peanut butter. We are a fan of all its calories! 

We go back in on the 18th for a weight check and will assess then, but our doctor is currently working with a pediatric endocrinologist in the big city so most likely we will end up in that doctor's office within the next month or two. They are currently reviewing his files and will be getting in touch with us soon.

And if he doesn't have the answers? Then I really have no clue. We'll just keep trucking on. And enjoying our little boy, who may be little but sure has a BIG personality!